"Hello, how are you?" is the autopilot greeting hitting every café line, zoom call, meeting room, and lift encounter. I've done it myself, this morning in fact. "Good thanks, you?" predictably follows. Pure muscle memory and completely meaningless. Nobody shares anything about themselves because rarely are you being asked genuinely. It's a lazy ritual killing connection when everyone desperately needs stronger connection.
If you bump into a colleague and say "Hey, how are you?" and they go "Not great, how are you?" what comes next? Autopilot kicks in with a "fine" and you recognise the moment for connection has gone. Is it because you don't know what to say in response? Or did you not really want to know in the first place? Did you even expect a frank response? Are you affronted by someone answering the question and not going along with the social norm?
It's clichéd small talk - a script that demands a "fine" or "good". It's the meaningful question after your greeting that sparks likeability because they signal you actually give a damn about the other person.
If you're going to ignore the answer, feel uncomfortable, confused or awkward, or brush it off entirely, then don't ask at all. "Hello" suits the occasion just fine. If you genuinely care, detach the question from a greeting, ask a question with meaning and then be present.
Bring energy to your interactions - be brave and open strong:
• What's good?
• What are you excited about?
• What's got your attention today?
• What's the latest on the thing you mentioned?
I'll even accept a "How do you do" to which the correct etiquette is to simply reply "How do you do". A statement, a compliment, anything to break the repetition.
It's going to feel weird and many people will look at you funny because it's a pattern interrupt. Lean into it. Collect the reactions, reflect, adapt, try again.
What's your bold opener that lands with your colleagues? If you're interested in building the deeper conversation skills behind every meaningful workplace interaction, see our Cultivating Courageous Conversations program, or the coaching approach that turns the question into a tool.
